today

A weekend in november.
end of november,
I haven´t known, that there are countries in Europe,
where there´s school on saturday,
was surprised.
I didn´t know, that university is that different all over Europe.
I talked to her and she said:
three presentations in the next week,
two exams till Christmas,
eight exams -written and spoken- in january.
Then I recognized, that it was me.
The cake was burning,
before the coffee cooking... 15 minutes, the kitchen brown.
I went online, for no reason.
Haven´t talked to anyone for ages there,
except you.
Hell in the center,
Christmas is coming. Damn.
The report is not yet written, plans are not yet made.
But I know, if I don´t get it,
I´ll die here.
Got problems with plans.
It´s never nice, when plans won´t become real.

crossing boarders

It´s not, that I´d love talking about it. BUT it´s worth a posting anyway ;)

Well, there´s one friend, an old friend from school. She went to live in Guatemala for a year, came back and had left her boyfriend there. More than two years they´ve had a relationship, two months ago he has come to LIVE here, in Germany, another country, another continent!

Another friend studies in Mexico since september. She´s a cute one, sympathic by first look and very openminded as well. But so far it has never worked out with the guys. Before going to Moscow we´ve had this kinda saying: "Well, maybe we´ll die all alone, ´cause we´re just too demanding." She has got a spanish boyfriend now.

There´s a friend of my flatmate, flying every month to his girlfriend in Madrid. Another friend of mine came back from Barcelona, having a relationship with a guy from southamerica. An italian girl, a friend of mine got to know in university here is staying one year in Germany, she´s got her man in Italy. She and he survived half a year without seeing each other (Mexico-Germany), and they (Spain-Germany) will as well. She is austrian living in Austria, he´s german, living in Germany.
And finally one of my most liked stories: she -canadian- fell in love with a guy from Suisse; she thought, it could never work, Suisse - Canada. They got separated. Now she´s happy with a french guy, living in France.

This is not the end of the list. I actually noticed, that from my friends being in a relationship, the majority has a long distance (and I´m not talking about Germany-Germany) and furthermore, that I don´t know anyone at the moment, who lives in the same town as his/her partner.
That made me think of globalization and stuff.
I guess, it´s a chance. And it´s part of a world, I appreciate to live in.

Glück

Was immer Du denkst
Wohin ich führe
Wohin es führt
Vielleicht nur hinters Licht
Du bist ein Geschenk
Seit ich Dich kenne
Seit ich Dich kenne
Trag ich Glück im Blick

Ich kläre den Nebel, ändere so schnell ich kann
Und was sich nicht ändert, an dem bin ich noch dran
Kleb an den Sternen, bis einer dann fällt
Der mir die Brust aufreißt

Ich zöger nicht lang, ich setze die Segel
Pack den Mond für Dich ein
Zerschneide die Kabel
Will allein mit Dir sein
Und wenn Du nichts für mich tust
Dann tust Du es gut

Was immer Du denkst
Wohin ich führe
Wohin es führt
Vielleicht nur hinters Licht
Du bist ein Geschenk
Seit ich Dich kenne
Seit ich Dich kenne
Trag ich Glück im Blick

Du hast mich verwickelt in ein seidenes Netz
Das Leben ist gerissen, aber nicht jetzt
Es kriegt endlich Flügel, fliegt auf und davon
Es sind Deine Augen, so blau und so fromm
Und Du lachst und Du strahlst
Setzt den Schalk ins Genick
Schenkst mir Freundentränen
Und nimmst keine zurück
und Du tust mir nichts
Und das tust Du gut

Was immer Du denkst
Wohin ich führe
Wohin es führt
Vielleicht nur hinters Licht
Du bist das Geschenk aller Geschenke
Aller Geschenke
Ich trag Glück im Blick

Und wird Dein Kopf Dir irgendwann zu eng und trübe
Und Du willst, das der Regen sich verdrückt
Färbe ich sie ein, Deine schrägen Schübe
Du bist alles in allem, das bist Du nicht
Und Du lachst und Du strahlst
Setzt den Schalk ins Genick
Schenkst mir Freundentränen
Und nimmst keine zurück
und Du tust mir nichts
Und das tust Du gut

Und ist Dein Kopf Dir irgendwann zu eng und trübe
Versuch ich das der Regen sich verdrückt
Du bist das Geschenk aller Geschenke
Seit ich Dich kenne
Trag ich Glück im Blick
Du bist das Geschenk aller Geschenke
Seit ich Dich kenne
Trag ich Glück im Blick

H.G. - einer, der es weiß.

"Your death is near"

I got a mail concerning "Your death is near".
Actually it´s true. I mean, it depends obviously on the definition of "near". When I think of it... well, actually I´ve never thought of it. But I´m sure about not having the expectation of living in 2080. And I´m not sure if I´d like to live in 2080. Don´t get me wrong, I don´t wanna die tomorrow or during the next 5 years. I guess, I just want to be sure to have lived before I die. I think, I wouldn´t care to die being 48, if I could say: Yeah, you got it, you´ve lived!
If you like common sayings:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take,
but by the number of moments, that take your breath away.
I should admit, that I don´t like this saying. But its basis is correct, its meaning is true.
Probably I´m too young to say more about my death. But living is the one thing, to be sure about not living any more one day another thing.
So, life, hold on, enjoy yourself, make me laugh and cry, love and hate! And: Thanks in advance!

existence - life

A friend of mine said the following to me, some days ago: At the moment I don´t live, I just exist! I´ve thought of its meaning. Do you "only exist", when you work day by day, and every night? When you study and see no end? Don´t you live, when you know you´re ill and all you´re waiting for is the operation, that will decide on your life? Or is existence a synonym for "life without waiting"? Does it mean, we don´t think of tomorrow or that we DO think of the future every day? Can´t you live, when you love someone, who doesn´t care about you? Or even doesn´t know, that you exist (and yeah, only exist)?
I´ve never said, I´d exist. To me it´s a strange expression. An argument doesn´t exist, a nice restaurant in a city doesn´t exist and an internet connection does exist or doesn´t. But life? I guess, just the word LIFE is a much bigger thing. That´s probably, why my friend said, she wouldn´t live. Existence is an uninspiring word, like a vegetable.
My answer was very simple: "Existence" and "life" don´t fit together for me. Existence is probably a thing without feeling, without emotion, without pain, fun and discussion. A silent, shy and crippling situation. So I hope you gonna make it going through without thinking.

If you want to sing about me, come here and see, about whom you´re singing.

Ah, why the hell is everybody singing about me?
When Susanna cries, she cries a rainbow....
and now the russian guy as well.
Crying a rainbow is a way too far metapher to me and no, my dear russian unknown, I can´t change, that you can´t reach me.

14.11.

NO LONGER SHALL THERE BE IN IT
AN INFANT WHO LIVES BUT A FEW DAYS.

ahora lo sé

Hablemos de una cosa importante, cuando todavía estamos juntos en una ciudad. Yo te pregunté: Tenemos que estar agradecidos? O está más prudente maldecir? Tú dijiste: Maldecimos! Yo dijé, qué no fue segura... a lo mejor hay que decir Gracias.
Ahora te lo digo: Tú tenías razón! Totalmente.

TORT-thoughts over random things

If it´s possible to stop thinking, please tell me.
If it´s possible to stop thinking at night, please let me know.
If it´s possible to stop thinking, when you should just enjoy the moment, please say it.

things, that has to be done. but then nobody cares.

We´ve just gone to apologize to our neighbours downstairs... as we haven´t felt well since friday. (because of their shoes being distributed on the stairs, their bikes being putted at another place and most of all, that they couldn´t sleep from 9pm till 7am) Yesterday and today we´ve been as quiet as possible, when entering the house, afraid, that anybody would pass our way.
...turned out, that nobody of the three students downstairs has spent the weekend here.

verdammt.

Das ist so eine Sache mit dem Vermissen. Gott, ich vermisse auf gewisse Weise alles, was ich momentan nicht habe, aber kenne. So gibt es Dauer-fernweh wie Spanien, mittlerweile aber besser. Ja länger es vorbei ist, desto besser wird´s, jedenfalls hierbei. Moskau ist eine andere Sache. Ich bin zusammen, ständig, mit Menschen, denen Moskau fehlt und die zurückwollen. Das tut gut, denn reden tut gut. Aber im Endeffekt kommt man auch nicht los so... von vielen Dingen, von denen man sich längst hätte verabschieden müssen. Mit Moskau, ja, das wird noch lange dauern. Vielleicht will ich insgeheim mein Fernweh auch nicht überwinden. Immerhin werde ich zurückkehren, irgendwann. Und erst dann, wenn die Menschen fehlen, die Umstände und all das, was man so liebgewonnen hatte, dann wird es besser werden. Das Gefühl, das etwas fehlt. Richtig viel fehlt. Und bis dahin vermisse ich einfach weiter, Moskau als Stadt, die Menschen und das Glück, welches mir beschieden war. Ja, ich vermisse all dies sehr.

purple hair

Everybody tells me, that the colour is cool/great/nice/pretty. Even people I don´t know. Yesterday more than five persons did so. It´s strange. I mean, I like it too, but I haven´t thought, it was that special.
It was just a spontaneous action, we went to the market, she gave me the colour, I said Yes and went straight in the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later I had purple hair.
It´s not purple anymore, but it´s different. So the mission is completed.

Talking ´bout politics

"Well done, America! =)" - a norwegian, living in America for a year.

"Yes, they could!" & "(party)" - a german in Israel.

"YES BARACK OBAMA!!! WE HAVE THE CHANGE!!! OBAMA." - an austrian in Norway.

"Yes, we can" - a german in Austria.

"Evviva evviva ha vinto Barack Obama" - an italian in Italy.

"...is relieved, that Obama won" - a german in Germany.

Dear friends, as I see, we agree.

...

hm, oh yeah, well, these are the days. alone at night, enjoy the time. as you rock it, don´t make any effort. if not, see what happens. a stony way to go, by horse and bike. have a look, what happened, but never look back. everything worth it. cruel. worth it. although heavy, still confused.

Apples and worms

We talked about apples and worms. And worms in apples.
We talked about an american lady, who put her dog in a microwave and as it died, she took the maker of the microwave to court, ´cause he missed to write an "Attention! Don´t put your dog inside!". The lady won.
We talked about a boy giving a flower to a girl. And the girl giving him a kiss.

Believe it or not, although everyone was very confused after two hours, we went home with the knowledge, that we´ve learned a lot about marketing.

"Oh, you remember to not forget Mr. Pipes and his statements on russian society in the 18th century?"

This morning I wasn´t comfortable with my presentation so far. Moreover I wasn´t sure, if I had set the right focus. I was thinking about it and then I wrote a message to my teacher. Just to make sure. Three minutes later I got his response. He KINDA affirmed my focus, until he came up with the following:
"Oh, you remember to not forget Mr. Pipes and his statements on russian society in the 18th century?... Everything alright? Have fun!"
I knew Mr. Pipes before, but I didn´t know, that I was supposed to build the basis of my 45-60 min presentation out of his statement. (He is one of those teachers, who helps a lot to find literature and sources for presentations. Actually - as he knows exactly what he want to talk about afterwards - he gives us precisely books and articles, of which we´ve to talk about. Pipes hasn´t been there.) Wow. 39 hours left to write a new one.
I suddenly remembered, that I love challenges.
So I answered:
"Yeah, everything clear now! Thank you very much, CU on Wednesday!"