argh

esta noche he tenido que matar a mucha gente.
I could still...
Dreaming about teeth means you´re highly aggressive. Ok.
And then I´ve dreamed about us. And I was crying. God, I was really crying a lot! I actually don´t know, why I´ve dreamed about that, but I woke up and was exhausted.
esta noche he tenido que matar a mucha gente.

the lie about the truth

We tend to say the truth. Just in general. And as our parents and teachers, our lovers and friends always teach us to do so, it´s ok. But what about this big lie in saying neither the truth nor the lie? What about this big thing about not saying a big thing? Should we call someone a liar, when he or she didn´t tell us anything over years? Where is the line between "a friend of mine" and "the person, i´m telling everything"? And are we really obligated to spread out our entire life´s story to someone, we would call "a close person"?
I don´t know. I mean, it´s important to have different kind of "close persons". I´m convinced, that someone is not able to be THE closest person for someone else. Apart from a partner. Maybe.
In my opinion, not telling everything to somebody, you tell a lot, is not a lie. Sometimes we just want to protect the other one. And, of course, sometimes we want to protect ourselves. This kind of egoism should be allowed. A certain kind and portion of egoism goes along with everything, human beings are doing.
I´ve those kind of lying truthes, too. Things, I should maybe tell someone. But as I said, we are just willing to do, what protects people around us and ourselves.
But if one day anybody comes to me and asks me about those cryptic truthes, I won´t lie.

Irgendwas bleibt

Sag mir dass dieser Ort hier sicher ist
Und alles Gute steht hier still
Und dass das Wort dass du mir heute gibst
Morgen noch genauso gilt

Diese Welt ist schnell und hat verlernt beständig zu sein
Denn Versuchungen setzen ihre Frist
Doch bitte schwör, dass wenn ich wieder komm
Alles noch beim Alten ist

Gib mir ein kleines bisschen Sicherheit
In einer Welt in der nichts sicher scheint
Gib mir in dieser schnellen Zeit
irgendwas, das bleibt

Gib mir einfach nur ein bisschen Halt
Wieg mich einfach nur in Sicherheit
Hol mich aus dieser schnellen Zeit

Nimm mir ein bisschen Geschwindigkeit
Gib mir was, irgendwas
das bleibt

Auch wenn die Welt den Verstand verliert
Das hier bleibt unberührt
NICHTS PASSIERT

(S.)

4 important minutes

I was sure to look at every of the eight books tonight. The eight books in english and german (I´m afraid one is also in french). And I´ve only 12 hours left till I meet my "supervisor" (I really like this word) for the first time. I mean, I told her, I don´t have anything at the moment and she said: Ok, come anyhow.
But....as well as we understand each other, I´m the person, who has to write this thesis till summer and she´s my teacher and will correct it. So...I should have anything, when I go there.
God, and now.
I sat down, I took the first book. Eventually it was the right one. And while Silbermond was singing on YouTube I was already thinking of several, several other songs to play tonight, while looking for a rough conception. And here it is.
I got it within 4 minutes. FOUR MINUTES. I started reading the book and stopped after three sentences. I simply had everything in my mind. The orden, the aspects, I want to emphasize and those, I only want to mention. I wrote it down. in 4 minutes.
Now I have it. And I´m happy. I´m so happy, that my idea for a subject was accepted. And now, I´m even more enthusiastic to start writing. If I could, I would do it. Right now. OOOOOh, I love my thesis. Right now and forever.

3

I´ve got 3 wishes?
I want to have someone to cook for me.
I want to have someone to wash the dishes with me.
I want to have someone to be with me.

tonight

It´s a hard day. I like to see the moon. Yesterday I did from my bed, being awake. Maybe we don´t deserve our life, ´cause everything happening, happens at night. The important things. The darkness, being cruel. The moon. The silence. But if we were never asleep, we could never wake up. We could never wake up next to the person we love, we could never start a new day like we started a new life. Everything would be the same forever. Still. We should sleep less. It works, trust me. Maybe only sleep, when we want to start something new. And: when we´re able to change something. If we only would be able!!!